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Joke of the Day

"I like to squat down, wrap my arms around my knees, and lean forward. That's how I roll..."

"Will net neutrality be defeated? Is the Gangnam Style finally over? Is Tupac really alive? Find out on the next episode of Dragon Ball Z"

"Just wrote a musical composition about pedophiles... ""Dick"" in A minor"

"ME: I'm off to that meeting BOSS: Forget something? M: Yes! [kisses boss gently on forehead] B: I meant your pen [whispers] but thank you"

"This time of year, I get sick of everyone writing an ""X"" instead of ""Christ"". I think it's time we all put the Christ back in Christ-box 360"

"Kylo Ren: Hey, why is my paycheck so low? General Hux: Damages. Maybe you should stop throwing temper tantrums with your lightsaber."

"""911, what's your emergency?"" Hi i need to report a kidnapping. My son is taking a nap in my room right now."

"My old Mum used to say, ""Always give your food a good rinse before you eat it."" Lovely woman, terrible sandwiches."

"Well this is a little....... A falcon goes into a restaurant and runs into his ex-girlfriend thats on a date. The falcon says ""well, this is Hawk-ward"""

"I made a promise to a dying friend... ...that I'd stop making commitments."