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Joke of the Day

"I don't like the idea of bacteria in my yogurt so I mix it with hand sanitizer. It cuts down on the taste, but I sleep better at night."

"Why did the train sound effect album get derailed? The tracks were unfinished."

"SECURITY GUARD: ""Sir, I have to check all backpacks"" ME: ""ok"" *opens backpack* *its full of hundreds of tiny backpacks*"

"SKRILLEX must be really clumsy... ...he just keeps dropping his bass"

"All of us had a good time with those Harambe memes Now the joke is dead because all of you little kids jumped into it."

"Obstetrician who has taken up magic as a hobby: and what have we here? *pulls out baby after baby after baby after baby after baby..."

"My favourite two word joke. Dwarf (_) &nbsp; ( _)>- &nbsp; (_) Shortage &nbsp; [By Jimmy Carr]"

"Light a man a fire... You'll keep him warm for a night. Light a man on fire you keep him warm for the rest of his life"

"Survey gone wrong.. or right?? On a survey for 'which conditioner you use?' 99% of the womens said 'aaahhhhhh.....get out of my shower!!!!'"

"I was chatting up this woman. I said, ""You're the sort of woman I could introduce to my mum."" ""Aww,"" she smiled, ""Can you?"" I said, ""Of course, I'll drive us to the cemetery tomorrow."""