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Joke of the Day

"Light a man a fire... You'll keep him warm for a night. Light a man on fire you keep him warm for the rest of his life"

"My wife told me I'm fantastic at cutting up cheese I told her she's greater"

"My friend asked me if I had any black in me I told him not since I got out of prison."

"If you ever feel sad remember that there's a number you can call and a pizza will be there in 30 minutes."

"Wife: ok, you have free reign to decide on all household decisions today... Me: *too shocked to move or decide anything...*"

"Coal is like anal sex... The ones calling it clean aren't taking it up the ass."

"Why did the LAPD leave the Dodger game early? They wanted to beat the crowd."

"What did the asian parents call their retarded son? Sum ting wong"

"How do you keep someone from hearing the punchline of a joke?"

"What do you call a deer with no eyes? (2-part joke) *A no-eye-deer!* What do you call a kitten with no eyes? *Animal abuse.*"