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Joke of the Day

"My boyfriend doesn't like when I give our neighbors nicknames like, ""Beard Man"" ""Jolly Girl"" and ""the one I slept with in 2009."""

"What is the difference between a cheap whore and an expensive whore? One is your mom; the other one gets paid more."

"How are you going to celebrate 9-11? I go to the tallest tower in my city. Call up a pizza place and order two large planes."

"Picked up our Christmas tree from the lot today AND my wife hasn't shaved in 3 weeks. Noble fir in the streets. Noble fur in the sheets."

"the dvd logo will hit the corner of the tv screen if you wait 6 hours. thats what i did today. no regrets."

"The Eddie Izzard Diabetic Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-CAKRDTH"

"Environmentally speaking you really should reuse plastic bag's To suffocate your children"

"I treat my body like a temple. By that I mean that a bunch of Jewish guys enter me every Friday night."

"Maybe it's just the mushrooms talking, but I should probably write down everything they say."

"Did you hear about that new car made entirely from wood? It's crazy! Wooden wheels, wooden windows, wooden engine... Wooden move."