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Joke of the Day

"the dvd logo will hit the corner of the tv screen if you wait 6 hours. thats what i did today. no regrets."

"I told the doctor I had to see him right away because I thought I was shrinking. He said he was busy and I'd just have to be a little patient."

"Children are like AIDS They are sexually transmitted, incurable till death and they fuck up your sex lives."

"What do you call a German with no good inside? Guten free."

"A good prank is to rent a Mercedes, stick a huge bow on it, and park it in front of your neighbor's house"

"Starve a cold. Feed a fever. Humiliate a rash. Flatter a migraine. Friendzone diarrhea. Date cramps. Bring anxiety home to meet the family."

"I've been reading a book about the history of glue. I can't put it down!"

"Me [31M] and my wife [28F] are having issues with our different needs with sex. We're trying to work out the kinks."

"What do you call a black pilot? A pilot, you fuckin racist."

"Stop saying ""11/11/11"" only happens once in a lifetime. EVERY date only happens once in a lifetime. That's how time works."