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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a cheap whore and an expensive whore? One is your mom; the other one gets paid more."

"I am not racist ... My shadow is black."

"What is 1x times D xD"

"What do you call a pair of eyeglasses that questions its surroundings? Skepticles."

"Contrary to obvious physics, you can't attach a ceiling fan to your back and fly away like a helicopter."

"How do you make a dead baby float? 1 cup of milk 2 scoops of dead baby."

"I just heard because of the government shutdown government archeologists are working with a skeleton crew."

"People who say ""go big or go home"" seriously underestimate my willingness to go home. Like, it's literally my only goal for most of the day."

"What would Valve call the next world war? A Global Offensive."

"DENTIST: let's get started, shall we? *places drill on tray* ME: um D: *places giant needle on tray* ME: uhhhhh D: *places handgun on tray*"