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Joke of the Day

"How are you going to celebrate 9-11? I go to the tallest tower in my city. Call up a pizza place and order two large planes."

"I have a deeply religious Muslim friend who knows the Qu'ran back to front Which is the way that the Koran is written. A surprisingly well informed joke about Islam (with apologies to Jimmy Carr)."

"What do you call nuts on a wall? Walnuts. . What do you call nuts on a chest? . Chestnuts. . What do you call nuts on a chin? . A blowjob."

"I'm shopping for groceries in an unfamiliar store and now I know how old people feel when they try to use a smartphone."

"Everyone is unique. Except you. You are not unique. You are the only not unique person in human history."

"""I'm not going to cosine this oppression in math class...."" Its my triggernometry class"

"[skydiving, first jump] INSTRUCTOR: everyone ready? EAGLE: yes. HAWK: check. SPARROW: ready. PENGUIN: this is a really bad idea."

"If 8 got laid... she would be fucking without any limits."

"I've been dating a girl online who I think might be a Catfish. Every time I try to meet, her excuse is that she ""can't survive on dry land."""

"Woo hoo, July 4th wknd! Popped opened a beer, unbottoned my pants, put my feet up. My boss keeps looking at me weird, though."