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Joke of the Day

"My Son Is A Genius Mom 1: my son is so smart I swear he's the next Albert Einstein Mom 2: oh really? My son is the next Steven Hawking, he never gets his up off his ass"

"gardening i spent alot of my days trying to grow a specific seasoning in my garden. it took forever, but once it finally produced, i had the thyme of my life."

"I ordered the special at a gay Chinese restaurant... The first course was the cream of summ yun gai"

"How many republicans does it take to fix a problem? No one knows. It's never happened."

"I'm not sure what gender fluid is... ...but it sounds like it's tough to get out of upholstery."

"I didn't worry much when my parachute didn't open I didn't understand the gravity of the situation"

"People ask me, ""Matt, how do you do it?"" , ""Matt, what's your secret?"" , ""Matt, why do you make up imaginary interview questions?"""

"Hitler's proofreader for Mein Kampf was literally a Grammar Nazi."

"Why is Santa's sack so big? He comes once per year."

"Where do ninjas come from? Out of nowhere!"