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Joke of the Day

"gardening i spent alot of my days trying to grow a specific seasoning in my garden. it took forever, but once it finally produced, i had the thyme of my life."

"[Airport security] Guard: Your flight leaves in 5 minutes Centipede: No problem. I'll just run. I have 100 legs. Guard: Remove your shoes"

"A fellow peon told me he loved kids, you can't beat them i said you can but it's generally frowned upon."

"""Doctor, how's the patient?"" Doctor: He's critical. Patient: Dear prospective viewers, remaking 'Point Break' was a bad mistake. Utterly pointless."

"A passion inside me burns. It's called chlamydia."

"Capitalization can really change a sentence. Example: I love to eat candy. I love to eat capitalization."

"Year 2142: Meat eaters have died out. Vegans survive. 2143: Everyone is dead b/c the vegans couldn't tell anyone else that they were vegan."

"Do you think Donald Trump get his hairpieces for free... ...or does he have toupee?"

"What's the difference between the Harriet Tubman and the Red Hot Chili Peppers? Harriet Tubman was a heroine to the slaves; the Red Hot Chili Peppers are slaves to the heroin!"

"Flagging down a people-carrier taxi is like my music collection. I don't like van hailing."