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Joke of the Day

"What is stronger than Ronda Rousey? Her anti-depressants."

"-gestures to everything in the Garage- Me- THESE ARE MY TOOLS AND I AM THEIR KING!!! Wife- YOU'RE a tool Me- DAMN RIGHT I AM Wait..what?"

"Everyone has a special talent, I like to think mine is ruining people's day."

"You can't change the past. But you can sit around in your underwear, dwelling on it and crying over what could have been."

"Beware of Lawyers 7 ""Are!you!a!lawyer?"" ""Yes."" ""How!much!do!you!charge?"" ""A!hundred!dollars!for!four!questions."" ""Isn't!that!awfully!expensive?"" ""Yes.!What!is!your!fourth!question?"""

"[spelling bee] JUDGE: your word is ""bananas"" GWEN STEFANI: oh hell yes"

"""Did you do your homework?"" ""Did you grade my test?"" ""I have other student's tests to grade."" ""I have other teacher's homework to do."""

"Where did the cow go? It mooved."

"If y is dependent upon x, that means y is determined by x. So we could call y the determinant. If that's true, then we can call x Arnold... because it's de-terminator. Heh."

"I was gonna go to the gym today... ... But it didn't work out."