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Joke of the Day

"How many pixies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, but don't ask me how they got in there."

"If you see a white guy in earbuds convulsing angrily with T. Rex arms, don't freak out. I'm just jamming out to Eminem."

"Q: Name the country where the entire population is pissed. A: urination"

"I used to work in a bakery, didn't really enjoy it and the pay wasn't great... I just kneaded the dough I'm sorry, I'll leave now..."

"A violist and a cellist were standing on a sinking ship together. ""Help!"" cried the cellist ""I can't swim!"" ""Don't worry"" said the violist ""just fake it."""

"An alarm clock that sends the person you like one of your deleted mirror pictures every time you hit the snooze button."

"The last time I refused a beer... I misunderstood the question"

"Why is hockey the bloodiest sport? It has three periods."

"She was only a gas-welder's daughter ... ... but she had acetylene tips"

"What sounds do nuts make when they sneeze? Cashew"