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Joke of the Day

"What do Eric Clapton and Donald Trump have in common? They were both jealous of the size of a black man's crowd."

"Noah's flood = God clearing his browser history"

"What's 18 inches long and never gets used? Leonardo DiCaprio's acceptance speech."

"I had sex with a chipotle manager When I was about to lick some guac off her tits she stopped me and says ""You know that's extra, right?"""

"What do astronauts eat for dinner? Launch meat."

"For Sale: Complete Set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 Volumes Excellent condition. $ 1000 ONO. No longer needed. Got married last week. Wife knows fucking everything."

"""Pres. Trump, how do you plan to respond to this attack on our soil?"" TRUMP: OK first, I've seen several people call me Tronald Dump online"

"If you give a mouse a cookie.. If you give a mouse a cookie.. Why are you giving a mouse any food? That's unsanitary."

"What is Harry Potter's philosophy on relationships... Hit it and quidditch."

"What's the difference between PHP and PCP? One makes you: * feel numb * see things that aren't there * panicked and paranoid * feel loss of control over your actions. The other is a synthetic drug."