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Joke of the Day

"What is Harry Potter's philosophy on relationships... Hit it and quidditch."

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art not as nice as this time last year."

"Similarities between Scruff McGruff's police force and Michael Vick? They've both got a dog fighting crime."

"Went to Big Lots with a $100 gift certificate and they just handed me the keys to the store."

"I can just about tolerate pens... ...but I have to say I draw a line with pencils."

"When is a fetus viable? To a Christian, it's the moment of conception. To a Jew, it's when he graduates from medical school. -my mom heard this on the radio"

"If you ever really want someone to call back, leave them a message saying, ""I've got tickets to..."" and hang up"

"There are two fish in a tank, one says to the other ""do you know how to drive this thing"""

"It's cute when they put expiration dates on snacks like I won't eat them as soon as I get to my car."

"I won every fight in 1st grade. Not because I was tough, because I was 13."