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Joke of the Day

"For Sale: Complete Set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 Volumes Excellent condition. $ 1000 ONO. No longer needed. Got married last week. Wife knows fucking everything."

"The key to a successful weight loss program is a broken jaw I'd guess."

"People say I'm crazy because I don't enjoy spooning girls I much prefer knifing them."

"Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish But Hitler made 6,000,000 jews toast EDIT: Holy shit guys, 2700?!"

"I have a tip for all you lonely ladies on valentine's day... Or you can just take the whole thing."

"A guy told me this one in class today.... What do you call 2 White Russians and a Jager bomb? A Boston Marathon."

"The Nathan's hot dog eating contest should contain one poisoned hot dog mixed in with the other hot dogs"

"I throw my hands up in the air sometimes, saying ""am I being detained?"""

"If I'm ever on Jeopardy I hope the final category isn't ""Can You Tell These Mumford & Sons Songs Apart."""

"My Mexican waiter put my food down in front of another white lady who looked nothing like me. I get it now. Oh wait that's not my waiter."