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Joke of the Day

"You're like pizza at a Chinese buffet. I ain't feeling you but I see you over there, doing you, and I respect that."

"How much money do porn stars make? A fuckload."

"What do you call a bunch of happy Seahawks fans after the Super Bowl? Haitians"

"PRO TIP: Name your first child ""butter"", then accidentally take a different baby home just so you can say ""I can't believe it's not butter!"""

"If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you."

"I still wake up hoping that class is cancelled."

"Dear math, I dont wanna help you find your ""x"" she left you, move on"

"What did Kermit the Frog say when Jim Henson died? ...nothing."

"I never expected my dad to steal from his road construction job... but when I got home all of the signs were there."

"Teacher: I wish you'd pay a little attention, David. David: I'm paying as little as I can, teacher."