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Joke of the Day

"How much money do porn stars make? A fuckload."

"[Drives date home] ME [stops and revs engine sexily] I had a great time tonight DATE: [climbs off my lawnmower] I did not"

"What do you call a dog with no legs? Well it don't matter i ain't coming anyway!"

"What do you call an anorexic.. What do you call an anorexic chick with a yeast infection? Quarter-pounder with cheese"

"""Try it, it's so good!"" ""Come on, man. Just a taste."" ""I'm having some. Mmmm."" ""Trust me."" Feeding my 2yo makes me feel like a drug dealer."

"The only reason your girlfriend likes to suck your cock..... .....is because her parents told her to enjoy the little things in life."

"Why did Boba Fett work alone? Because he was hunting Solo."

"Isn't it ironic that the favorite drink of Britain's homeless is called ""Tennents""?"

"My black pants had more cat hair on them after they came out of the dryer. Guess I should check the dryer for cats before I start it."

"it's 2013 and food can still make you fat get it together science."