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Joke of the Day

"I never expected my dad to steal from his road construction job... but when I got home all of the signs were there."

"When I go in to kiss a girl, I always close my eyes. Ive just learned from experience, if my eyes are open, more pepper spray gets in them."

"I hate all the ""creepy clown"" news. I'm having a clown solidarity march at dusk near an abandoned insane asylum. Need a calliope player."

"Dear Alcohol, we had a deal. u were suppose 2 make me funnier, smarter & put me in a good mood.... I saw the photos - we need to talk."

"You haven't built just a wall around you; you've constructed a bomb shelter inside a nuclear bunker set into the side of a mountain."

"Whats the difference between Jelly and Jam? I cant jelly my dick in your mouth"

"So Aliens Arrive ""Earth has a species with advanced warfare, they seem intelligent."" ""No, they have it aimed at themselves."""

"What do you call presents after you've opened them? Pasts"

"What do you call a vampire junkie? Count Drugula."

"How would you feel if you were raped for every rape joke you made? Sore"