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Joke of the Day

"[I am wearing a wedding gown at work] BOSS: Do you have a minute to chat in my office? ME: [lifting veil] I do"

"I've got no home, I haven't got control, and I can't see any escape. I should get a new keyboard."

"If you don't sleep now, you'll sleep during the exam. If you sleep now, you'll fail in the exam. Life is a mess."

"I asked Roy Hodgson if he would consider 4-4-2 next week. He said, ""No, we'll probably go 7-4-7 it's wider and offers more leg room."""

"All of us had a good time with those Harambe memes Now the joke is dead because all of you little kids jumped into it."

"I am sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I killed a cyclist !"

"My GPS is basically just one more man in my life who I turn on and then ignore."

"Just noticed that the use by date on my crumpets was April 1st I was sure that someone was playing a joke on me."

"Did you hear about the police detective who really bungled the vampire case? He set up a stake out."

"This Christmas... This Christmas, Donald Trump's hair becomes sentient and nukes canada. Only one Democratic Socialist can prevent a total World War. Bernie Sanders stars... in HELL TOUPEE"