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Joke of the Day

"Samantha from Facebook wants everyone to know she & her family are going on a cruise next week just in case you want to break into her house"

"If you want to hide something from me, put it on my voicemail."

"A baby seal... ... walks into a club."

"Mr. Belichick how do you feel about these accusations against your organization? Deflated."

"What's the most popular sports channel in Mexico? ESPNOL"

"People in California be like Tree down walkway closed!"

"INTERVIEWER: so what makes you qualified to work at comcast ME: *shows up four hours later* INTERVIEWER: you're hired"

"Why are womens feet shorter than mens? So they can stand closer to the sink."

"Anyone hungry? I read there's some leftover cat."

"If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter, and another quarter, and then another quarter, how much would you have left? A million dollars minus 75 cents."