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Joke of the Day

"If you don't sleep now, you'll sleep during the exam. If you sleep now, you'll fail in the exam. Life is a mess."

"Someone just used the phrase, 'that's a big load', on this conference call, and suddenly I'm paying attention."

"[starbucks] me: can i take some wifi home with me? barista: um. sure(?) me: [holds tupperware container in the air & closes lid] thanks."

"How many Hillary supporters does it take to change a light bulb? None. cmon , they'd much rather be kept in the dark."

"Mark Wahlberg has requested a pardon for a crime he committed in 1988. His debut single."

"Why did the Mexican fail English 101? He wouldn't turn in his essay"

"Knock! Knock! Who's there? ""Broken Pencil."" ""Broken Pencil Who?"" ""Never mind, it's pointless."""

"What does having kids bring you that money simply can't buy? Poverty"

"LPT: If your dentist has no painkillers, ask him for Helium. It will be hilarious when you scream."

"Poke joke Knock knock? who's there? Shaymin. Shaymin who? Shame in you!"