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Joke of the Day

"This Christmas... This Christmas, Donald Trump's hair becomes sentient and nukes canada. Only one Democratic Socialist can prevent a total World War. Bernie Sanders stars... in HELL TOUPEE"

"Overpopulation is a bitch... ... and no matter how you think about it, the world would be a better place with Fuhrer people in it."

"Just heard about the new sex tape with Paul McCartney's daughter and Matthew McConaughey... It's called Interstellar McCartney."

"I called a colleague inviting him to an orgy. He asked how many people will be there. I said "" if you and your wife come, there will be three of us."""

"Karen, will you marry me? ""Ugh. No. Please take me home."" *20 minutes of awkward silence as hot air balloon slowly descends*"

"What is the difference between a Poodle and a Pitbull? If the Pitbull starts humping your leg he gets to finish."

"i always wear this epi pen its rly special. my friend gave it to me literally as he was dying it seemed very important to him that i have it"

"Come on Fred I'll take you to the zoo. If the zoo wants me let them come and get me!"

"Text exchange: me- we need eggs. hub- how many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one."

"What does a frenchman call a lesiban threesome? Tres bien"