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Joke of the Day

"Me: So what do you do? Date: I work with animals Me: *imagining an office ran entirely by golden retrievers in suits* Your job sounds fun"

"If your Facebook picture is a photo of a sunset or something inanimate, I'll assume you have a dissociative identity disorder."

"What do you get when a Mexican and Muslim have a child? A kid who loves halalpenos"

"I was promised today would be a new day. This feels suspiciously like a used Wednesday."

"Do lady dolphins ever get tattoos of 19-yr-old community college students?"

"What do we want? Procrastination! When do we want it? We will get around to it sooner or later."

"What's batmans favourite fruit? Ba na na na na na na na na na na na na na grapefruit."

"Why couldn't Beethoven find his music teacher? He was Haydn"

"What has a bottom on top? A leg."

"My ex can't take his new girlfriend to basketball games because she gets pissed when the whole stadium makes fun of her by yelling REBOUND!"