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Joke of the Day

"What do we want? Procrastination! When do we want it? We will get around to it sooner or later."

"<job interview> It says here on your resume that you are a ""self-proclaimed man of few words."" Would you like to elaborate on that? Me: no"

"So Cher has been told she only has weeks to live... ...if only she could turn back time."

"A guy goes to a Halloween party with nothing but a condom on his nose... Someone asks him ""what have you come as."" The guy shrugs his shoulders and says ""fuck knows"""

"They say you are what you eat I guess that makes me a human"

"Why did Hitler commit suicide? Because he got the gas bill."

"What is long and hard that a Australian bride gets in her wedding night? Dick"

"I wouldn't say I hate my dad... But I can't deny he's a real motherfucker."

"""So, do you play any instruments?"" Me: *slaps knees for 30 minutes straight without breaking eye contact*"

"What kind of house does Fonzie live in? An ""A"" frame..."