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Joke of the Day
"The US Census Bureau is known for kicking ass And taking names."
Next Joke
"I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of prison... ...but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition."
"How do you keep an idiot waiting?"
"Why would you wrap a hamster in duct tape? So it doesn't explode when you're fucking it."
"My 2 year old loves Hello Kitty. My 6 month old, on the other hand, is really into Hello Titty."
"[at subway] And just a little lettuce. *the guy starts backing a truck full of lettuce toward my sandwich & the truck is beeping* No wait."
"It's sad that a few fake Nigerian princes have ruined it for all the good Nigerian princes who are just looking to wire 24 million dollars."
"I bet Michael J. Fox makes one hell of a martini."
"I was going to grease my mechanic's hand with a $20 bill for the phenomenal job he did but ... he already overcharged me by $200."
"What's a pirate's favorite firework? M80"