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Joke of the Day

"most cutting thing you can say is ""who's this clown?"" because it implies they're a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns"

"Bernie Sanders isn't a Messiah. He's just a Jewish guy sacrificing himself to save millions from their own sin and ignorance while being insulted the entire time. Clearly no basis for a religion."

"FUN PRANK: tweet ""going hang gliding!!!!"" then don't tweet again for 12 years"

"I saw some things at the auction labeled ""Art Objects"" Considering what they looked like, I'd object, too"

"A Mexican magician tells his audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, ""uno, dos... *poof*... He disappeared without a tres"

"What did the slutty girl buy at the furniture store? One nightstand."

"Politicians only kiss babies because it might be theirs."

"Welcome home, half-empty bottle of diet coke. Meet your family: Salad dressing, expired creamer & mysterious takeout container."

"The one time I actually wanted to use the word ""duck"" in a text... and my phone autocorrects it to ""fuck"". What the duck."