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Joke of the Day

"Politicians only kiss babies because it might be theirs."

"DATING TIP: On a bad dinner date? Bite your tongue until your mouth fills with blood, say ""I must be allergic to this bread"" and then leave."

"The Supreme Court is really just a regular court with tomatoes and sour cream."

"Rubbing my ass on these documents because the boss's email says to ""cheek his paperwork""."

"Why did the priest smoke weed in the cemetery? He wanted to keep his spirits high."

"Two aerials get married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant."

"Always hide you prescription bottles from your medicine cabinet so ppl don't know how crazy you are. Also, you're now out of xanax."

"The day I can't do my job drunk... Is the day I hang up my school bus keys."

"Where do you get 'Extra Virgin' olive oil? Really ugly olives."

"What do you call a snake that works for the government? ~~A civil serpent~~ Senator."