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Joke of the Day

"The one time I actually wanted to use the word ""duck"" in a text... and my phone autocorrects it to ""fuck"". What the duck."

"My neighbour is on his front porch wearing a Halloween mask and oven mitts while trying to remove a wasps nest. This should be interesting."

"The way my neighbors are making their trick-or-treating kids skip my door you'd think I was handing out ecstasy pills like last year."

"What car does Catwoman drive? A Purrgeot."

"Yo mama so greasy she sweats Crisco!"

"I found the worlds worst thesaurus. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible."

"How do Chinese people name their babies? Throw them down the stairs and see what sound they make."

"The fridge is a clear example that what really matters is what is inside."

"[Anteater eats some termites] [looks up to heaven] ""YOU DON'T CONTROL ME, GOD! YOU HEAR ME? I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU NAMED ME!"""

"I've been ill with night terrors, nausea, dizziness, hunger pains, cry fits, and a stutter. According to Web MD, I have a date tonight."