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Joke of the Day

"The one time I actually wanted to use the word ""duck"" in a text... and my phone autocorrects it to ""fuck"". What the duck."

"What do you get if you cross a rhino with an elephant? I don't know but it's not relevant."

"HEY GUYS I'M AT NXNE! WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYBODY?"

"What would you do with $1 Million? I would buy a new butt, mine has a hole in it."

"Japan's flag is like a pie chart of how much of Japan is Japan."

"Why is it impossible to mistake a penis for a vagina? Because there's a vas deference."

"After clipping my toddler's fingernails for over 2 years, I think I could diffuse a bomb while riding a roller coaster."

"When you're checking for murderers in your house, don't just yell out ""hello!"" that gives them the upper hand. Yell, ""YOU AINT SHIT!"""

"Beautiful women following me on Twitter is screwing up my perception of who will talk to me in RL. A trip to Walmart should fix that."

"TEXT ""TEXT"" TO TEXT TO DONATE A TEXT TO TEXT"