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Joke of the Day

"I see your Full House and I raise you 3 episodes of Home Improvement. -Me, not knowing how to play poker, but loving 90's TV"

"We're like lazy revolutionaries who act only by posting lame comments on a public forum."

"Judge: Why did you steal that bird? Prisoner: For a lark sir."

"Violets are blue, roses are red Violets are blue, roses are red. We're doing it backwards, That's what she said."

"I have an old resolution 640x480"

"How do you know when a bass player and drummer are at your front door? The knocking is out of time and they don't know when to come in."

"What do you call a Russian tree ? Dimitree"

"What's the difference between Jesus, and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang the picture."

"Apparently just sitting here on my new lawn furniture drinking my Vodka & minding my business is disturbing to other Target guests."

"What did the squirrel say when he looked up the woman's dress? What a Cunt, got no Nuts."