171682

Joke of the Day

"Apparently just sitting here on my new lawn furniture drinking my Vodka & minding my business is disturbing to other Target guests."

"If hillary nukes Russia I can see the headlines now ""Everyone in Moscow commits suicide"""

"I don't know why friends and family keep getting pregnant when I have two kids right here they can have."

"""And if you look out to the left, you'll miss everything to the right. Remember, every choice is also a loss."" - Me as a tour guide"

"Best Joke which defines me I am married and not allowed to make decisions :D"

"Can I play Piano? A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation? B: Yes, of course. A: Great! I never could before!"

"I was sitting on a bus in Thailand across from a beautiful young lady. My shorts were a little tight and I was thinking, don't get a boner, don't get a boner... But she did."

"What do you get when you cross a lion with a stone? Killed."

"I'm going to check out the new restaurant called Karma. There's no menu, you just get what you deserve."

"What do they call a rant in Australia? A Fuck-filled Platitude"