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Joke of the Day

"Parents spend the first 3 years of their child's life teaching it to walk and talk.. They then spend the next 10 years teaching it to sit down and shut up."

"Kidnapping is the most misleading term ever I've had these kids in my trunk for an hour and I can't get them to stop screaming let alone nap"

"[aquaman origin story] *falls out of boat* help! im drowni- oh... no, im good, actually"

"What part of the hospital does John Cena hate the most? the ICU"

"I just yawned so loud now I'm pretty sure a whale somewhere is trying to answer."

"Zombies are a fun reminder that the first thing people want to do when they're dead and beyond the law is murder everyone in sight."

"how do you get a 100 cows into a barn? put up a Bingo sign!"

"I heard the river in Crimea is really condescending."

"I say we take all the bad chemistry jokes and Barium"

"This vodka tastes strange, kinda like I'm not going to work tomorrow."