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Joke of the Day

"This vodka tastes strange, kinda like I'm not going to work tomorrow."

"What does pubic hair and parsley have in common? You just push them both aside and keep on eating."

"Don't ask me if I have a safety pin if you're going to look at me all weird when I pull one out of my pocket and hand it to you."

"What's a rancher's favorite sex position? Doggy style. You can't really do much else to a horse."

"My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes him cry, so I threw a coconut at his face."

"* Kindergarten* Hi kids! I'm the homeroom mom for your class. [writes name on chalkboard] [Boy Raises hand] We can't read. No one can read"

"I was walking down the street the other day when a man threw some cheddar at me... ... I said ""Well, that's mature!"""

"If I had a Dollar, If I had a dollar for every time a homeless person asked for change, I would still pretend to have not heard them."

"I've been a vegetarian for 13 years but if I ever got the chance I would absolutely 100% bite the head off the Geico gecko"

"Mother-in-laws Two men are sitting in a pub when one turns to the other and says ""My mother-in-law is a saint,"" To which the other man replies ""You're so fucking lucky! Mine's still alive,"""