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Joke of the Day

"What part of the hospital does John Cena hate the most? the ICU"

"[Date] Me: how about a drink? get whatever floats your boat Her: thanks! i'll have a mai tai Me: *glaring* you float a boat with water karen"

"What did Mr. Spock find in the toilet? The Captains log"

"Anytime I'm using a stall in a public restroom and someone knocks on the door, I always say, ""Did you bring the lube?"" As loud as possible."

"I was fired from the orange juice factory I just couldn't concentrate."

"What time zone are you in when you find a sheep stuck in a fence? Mountin' time"

"what weighs more on the moon than on earth? a helium baloon"

"Yo mamma's so fat... When she walks down the street, people start telling Han Solo he better get out of here"

"[at oceanside seafood restaurant] Me: Is the fish fresh here? Waiter: Yes *from the kitchen, a fish blows me a kiss & waves seductively*"