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Joke of the Day

"How can you pick out the prostitute in the miss America pageant. She's the one wearing the sash that says Idaho."

"Sorry I headbutted you, I was gonna punch you but, I was holding wine."

"Why are storms always called girls names? Because when they come they are always wet and uncontrollable, and when they disappear they take or destroy all your stuff"

"Damn boy are you a banker? Because I really just want you to leave me a loan."

"*puts seashell up to ear* Me: I think I can hear the ocea- Seashell: Seven days. You will die in seven days. Me: (to friend) It's for you."

"Did you hear about the 3 holes in the ground? Well, well, well."

"""Here's your cup of Joe"" - Joe at the sperm bank"

"Your wife and your lawyer are drowning. You have a choice to make: Lunch or the movies?"

"If there is an opportunity for me to put my pants on backwards in the dark, I take it every time. Apparently."

"How do you make a baby politician cry? How do you make a baby politician cry. Take away his slush-y fund."