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Joke of the Day

"He'd probably stop sending me ""good morning, beautiful"" texts if he saw how many chins pop out when I look down to read it."

"You know what the number one reason for child molestation is... sexy children"

"Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh it's all right. I know what's inside."

"What do you call it when a man screams at a woman Abuse What do you call it when a woman screams at a man Feminism"

"I can't believe I have to recharge my stupid phone every night or it shuts down *sleeps for 8 hours every night*"

"Wow, you've got a lot of hickeys Kris. Me: Busy weekend *winks *remembers wrestling that octopus at the aquarium for giving me side eye."

"May god bless German engineering, Italian cooking, and English humor. And may god damn Italian engineering, English cooking, and German humor."

"How many mexicans can you fit in a bus? All of them."

"Nothing says 'almost caught masturbating' like having your mum walking in on you looking at the Google homepage."

"Why did the girl give Jesus a blowjob? She wanted to see the messiah cum"