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Joke of the Day

"Why did the girl give Jesus a blowjob? She wanted to see the messiah cum"

"I'm optimistic that within my lifetime it will become acceptable to wear your underwear to the supermarket."

"Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist? Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there."

"How did the scottsman find the sheep in the tall grass? Very pleasurable."

"What is a pirates favorite file type? .rar"

"It's nice that lions don't mind looking like 80's rock stars."

"You can't run from your problems forever. Eventually, you'll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them."

"Doctor: You have acute alcoholism. Me: Thanks, but let me tell you it's not very cute in the morning."

"All the good guys aren't taken; they're at the bar on Tuesday nights. Trust me. I'm a stranger on the internet."

"[fleeing the bank we just robbed] accomplice: play it cool this time, okay? me: GOD I HATE CRIME YOU GUYS police officer: alright he's clear"