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Joke of the Day

"I can't believe I have to recharge my stupid phone every night or it shuts down *sleeps for 8 hours every night*"

"Yo girl, are you from UPS? Cause I saw you checkin' out my package."

"Once upon a time (today) I had to help with pre school homework Me: -holds up yellow Me: What color is this? 4: McDonalds The end"

"Asian airlines offer new deal to customers... Pay only upon arrival!"

"""Wanna hear a joke?"" I asked my wife... ""I reddit"" she replied."

"What's that pig doing in the middle of the road with a red light on its head? Didn't you tell me to put out a stop swine?"

"Why did my wife cross the road? To go back into the first clothes shop we went into two hours ago."

"Accidentally pooped my pants in the elevator... I'm taking this shit to a whole new level."

"Two deer were leaving a gay bar One said to the other, ""man, I can't believe a blew thirty bucks in their"""

"I always make a point to add a 'man' when I say thanks to the pizza delivery guy, so he knows I used to smoke weed and shit."