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Joke of the Day

"Wow, you've got a lot of hickeys Kris. Me: Busy weekend *winks *remembers wrestling that octopus at the aquarium for giving me side eye."

"I hate when girls say, ""you probably say that to every girl."" don't you use the same resume when applying to different jobs?"

"Did anyone hear about the fat priest? He never exorcised."

"Warning: Game of Thrones Spoilers Will make your car look fucking stupid"

"- How much for the mobile tampon? - Ma'am? - It's a bit big. - Ma'am, it's a lamb. - Does it make that sound because it has detected blood?"

"Well this is a little....... A falcon goes into a restaurant and runs into his ex-girlfriend thats on a date. The falcon says ""well, this is Hawk-ward"""

"A Mexican kid passes a note to his friend in class. ""What do you think you're doing?"" the observant teacher asks. To which he replies... ""writing an ese"""

"If your BF wears a gold necklace outside of his tshirt both of you will be asked to get out of your car by the police at gunpoint some day"

"What's the difference between my ex and the titanic? The titanic only went down on 1000 people."

"4 stages of a relationship: 1) Hand in hand 2) That in hand 3) Hand in that 4) That in that"