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Joke of the Day

"We can put a robot on Mars but we can't make a hand rail that goes the same speed as an escalator."

"Roses are red grass is green open your legs and i'll give you some cream."

"Jokes about fat people aren't funny. They just don't work out."

"Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog !"

"From now on, I'm referring to my ex girlfriends as ""yesterbae's."""

"What do you call a fake noodle an impasta"

"UVA did something King James couldn't do.... Brought a championship to the Cavaliers!"

"Hey Febreze, I don't go around with garbage in my car, but if nobody could tell I just smoked a joint in there, I might buy some."

"H: I don't understand what goes on in your head. Me: If you prefer, I can quit twitter and just tell you all of this. H: No, we're good."

"The guy who stole my diary has died. My thoughts are with his family."