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Joke of the Day

"*Hulk smashes thru courtroom wall* SOMEONE ASK FOR INCREDIBLE WITNESS?! Judge- no, CREDIBLE! Hulk- shit HULK VERRY SORRY BOUT YOUR WALL"

"[first day as a doctor] You seem depressed. Also you look underweight, how's your diet? [nurse interrupts me] ""Dr that's the model skeleton"""

"I was casually swimming with a great white shark today. Until he bit my whole arm off."

"Who needs whips and chains? Christian should have had Ana read Fifty Shades of Grey if he wanted to torture her."

"My Level of Maturity Changes Depending On Who I'm With"

"A Prostitute offered me holy water the other day... Still not sure what hole it came from."

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered her today to place bets on how long this marriage will last because these idiots met 2 months ago."

"I had Taylor Swift in my head all day... ...I just shouldn't shake her off, shake her off..."

"Donald Trump will be more presidential now that he is the nominee No Juan believes that!"

"I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep."