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Joke of the Day

"Who needs whips and chains? Christian should have had Ana read Fifty Shades of Grey if he wanted to torture her."

"What did one earthquake say to the other? It's not my fault."

"It's not a relationship until you argue about whose turn it is to apologize."

"Benedict Cumberpatch's full name is Benedictionary Cucumbercabbagepatch."

"I saw two blokes having a fight... I shouted, ""My money's on the one with the knife!"" You should have seen how fucking fast they both ran off."

"Worst day. Had a tampon behind my ear all afternoon and still cant find my cigarette."

"What's the difference between Christmas presents and ass whuppins? You ain't gettin' no Christmas presents!"

"Sometimes, distance maketh the heart less likely to be stabbed"

"My pet mouse Elvis died today He was caught in a trap"

"Why did the forgetful Mexican cross the road? To get to the other side... err, no it was to pick up the laundry... nope, to get groceries? I forget."