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Joke of the Day

"Have you heard about Polish Roulette? It's played exactly the same way as Russian Roulette, except with a semi-automatic pistol."

"I was at a nightclub They played just dance I just danced They played twist I twisted They played jump I jumped They played come on Eileen, I was kicked out of the club"

"The 4 Stages of Going Out Drinking: 1. Why do I do this to myself 2. This isn't so bad 3. WE SHOULD DO THIS MORE OFTEN 4. Why do I do this to myself"

"Houston, we have a problem Whitney Houston Jokes Whitney Houston to star in her new film. The Bodybag. One more.., If she wasn't before, Whitney Houston is definitely 100% soul now."

"Those black cats better not cross my path. I'm not superstitious. Just racist."

"Merry Christmas and Happy Ho idays to friends and oved ones c ose and far. B essings to you and yours this Yu e season. This is my no-L greeting!"

"Who needs viagra when there are pictures of old women with dyed orange hair and their eyebrows penciled in on the internet"

"So my buddy thought it'd be a good idea to get an inspirational tattoo on his forehead... Boy, was his face read."

"When I was a kid growing up in the Cold War, I had nightmares about the Russians. They wrote long novels. And professors made me read them."

"What do robots do at the rave? They torque."