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Joke of the Day

"Why does ed not have a girlfriend? Because sheeran"

"I asked my heart why I can't sleep at night? Heart replied ""because you slept in the afternoon, don't act like you're in love"""

"'I've never done this on a first date before' I say as I start vacuuming his place"

"In truth, spiders are harmless* *Save for a few species whose venom reprograms your immune system to tell your body to eat its own organs."

"Why do rednecks love fall? Because it's the only time of year they can pump kin."

"What do you call a black priest? Holy shit!"

"Do you know why one side of the V Is slightly larger when birds fly together? Because there are more birds on that side."

"Girl are you a social cause? 'cause you look like something I can get behind!"

"I put my phone in ""airplane mode"" and threw it up into the air. It just fell and now my screen is cracked. Worst. Transformer. Ever ."

"""Can you tie a knot?""... ""I cannot."" ""So you can knot?"" ""No, I cannot knot."" ""Not knot?"" ""Who's there?"" ""Fuck off!"""