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Joke of the Day

"In truth, spiders are harmless* *Save for a few species whose venom reprograms your immune system to tell your body to eat its own organs."

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"You know you're getting old when you go to a new doctor... ...and part of the new patient exam is carbon dating."
"I bought a boomerang from a ghost yesterday.. I know it's going to come back to haunt me!"
"What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball."
"What did the house turn into on the night of the full moon? A Warehouse."
"A jumper cable walks into a bar... The bartender looks at him and says: ""I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"""
"I saw a really lifelike portrait of Donald Trump the other day... ... it was really freaky how the hands followed you around the room."
"Being engaged Daddy what does being engaged mean? Son It's like getting a bike for Christmas but not being able to ride it til Easter."
"Germany loses at home, and Japan beats America in overtime... M. Night Shyamalan's pitch for a World War II movie."
"2 peanuts walk into a bar One was a salted"