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Joke of the Day

"A soviet soldier asks a man his opinion of the party. The man nervously replies ""the same as yours comrade"" The soldier then arrests him for sedition."

"My girlfriend says that I've got the body of a guy half my age. Which would be a nice compliment if I wasn't 22."

"Lif is too short"

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl taking a leak? Because their entire species is extinct."

"Why did the prison board decide to build the new prison out of concrete? The old one was made of steal."

"Why was the calendar nervous? It's days were numbered!"

"I don't love my girlfriend anymore... ...she has grown up."

"I would like to tell you about how I beat the Elite Four's Pokemon using only Luvdisc... But just a disclaimer, that battle is not for the faint of heart."

"Maybe if I do the opposite and let my kids eat off the floor, more food would end up on the table."

"Seriously guys, people drive like shit when I'm tweeting"