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Joke of the Day

"Maybe if I do the opposite and let my kids eat off the floor, more food would end up on the table."

"[NSFW] 3 people having se... 3 people having sex is called threesome 2 people having sex is called twosome So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', dont take it as a compliment!"

"It was odd seeing pecan logs at the grocery store... because I usually don't get the logs until after I eat the pecans."

"Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now he's walking around like a sour puss."

"What do phone books and women have in common? They both couldn't vote before 1920"

"Woman at drive-thru just called me ""honey."" Headed home to tell my wife to take a god damn hike."

"If I got 50p for every time I failed a maths test I'd have about 6.30 by now"

"I was asked if I wanted to volunteer at the U2 concert... ...I said I don't like to do Pro Bono work."

"Some cool ways to trick a woman into bed include ""being kind,"" ""making her feel special"" & ""showing her respect."" They love that shit!"

"Would you like to buy a second-hand computer? I'm afraid not. I'm only able to type with one hand as it is."