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Joke of the Day
"[NSFW] I like my men like I like my coffee liquified in my favorite mug"
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"Jason Bateman origin story: On a field trip to a scientific lab as a teen, he was bitten by a radioactive Jason Bate."
"You may recognize me from such films as: HR surveillance footage 11/13/12 HR surveillance footage 01/22/13 HR surveillance footage 02/28/13"
"I don't like thinking about gravity. It brings me down."
"It's not that I think I'm out of your league. Its more that I'm not even sure we're playing the same sport."
"Chicken Pot Pie sounds like a delicious 3 course meal."
"What do you call a cow that doesn't produce milk? An udder failure"
"Please follow the instructions 1) Read all instructions 2) Sacrifice a goat 3) Cut off your fingers 4) Eat glass 5) Only do number one"
"Poetry about Pawn Stars You want a poem? Best I can do is haiku, take it or leave it."
"Why do elephants and stoners get along so well? ....uh.. I don't remember.."