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Joke of the Day

"You may recognize me from such films as: HR surveillance footage 11/13/12 HR surveillance footage 01/22/13 HR surveillance footage 02/28/13"

"My neighbor introduced his wife to me as his better half. I returned the courtesy by introducing my wife to him as the lesser of two evils."

"How does the rabbi make his tea? He-brews it"

"When I go to Subway I always bring a pair of pants that are 10 times to big for me and high five all the workers."

"If you teach a Pokemon substitute.. Does that mean you're a substitute teacher?"

"who paid? Wednesday, Tom and Joe went to a restaurant and ate dinner. When they were done they paid for the food and left. But Tom and Joe didn't pay for the food. Who did?"

"Instead of a post-workout protein shake I have mashed potatoes and gravy and instead of working out I have mashed potatoes and gravy."

"BOVINE HIJINX Q; What do cows do for fun? A: They go to the moo-vies!"

"After hearing a lot of Oscar Pistorius jokes I find them disgusting. Frankly I won't stand for them and neither will he."

"Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I cant even get into my own pants."