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Joke of the Day
"What did the grape say when I stepped on it? Nothing, but it gave up a little whine."
Next Joke
"What's the difference between a black person and Christmas lights? Nothing. They both look good hanging from trees."
"Drinking on Tuesday because I'm consistent."
"My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating. I asked him why and he replied, ""Because I'm trying to examine you."""
"[Commercial for axes] [A lumberjack swinging a dead goat against a tree in the woods] *Turns to camera* ""There has to be a better way?"""
"We will require you to do something somewhat onerous and time-comsuming and then introduce impediments to completing it. - my employer"
"I always say no to drugs. But, if they ever start deep frying them, I'm in big trouble."
"What's Donald Trump's favorite drug? Cuckaine"
"What has four legs, is big, green, and fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree on top of you, would kill you? A pool table."
"Why is it a dog finds great joy sticking his head out of a car going 55mph, but if you blow in his face he'll try and kill you..........Bad Breath"