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Joke of the Day

"It puts the vodka in its mouth or else it sees the ugly girls."

"[first date] I'm sorry, I fiddle when I get nervous ""That's okay"" Yeah.... *jams out epic fiddle solo for the rest of the date*"

"When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can't get any worse, please remember...I don't give a shit."

"If by mathematician you mean dividing the number of snacks in my car by the number of miles I need to drive, then yes, I'm a mathematician."

"My favorite part of The Lion King is the part where Nicki Minaj held up baby Simba."

"Hi I'm an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door."

"Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?"

"Comment your best recent THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID Jokes of recent life situations"

"Why did Night fall? Because Day tripped him."

"Whats a plants favorite drink? Root Beer"