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Joke of the Day

"Vegans think they will live longer than us, but they don't realize they are 100 times more likely to be murdered mid conversation."

"What do JFK, John Lennon and Donald Trump have in common? Nothing. But a man can dream."

"Why did the amoeba flunk the math test? Because it multiplied by dividing."

"I was walking through a cemetery, and I saw a guy crouched behind a gravestone, so I said ""morning"", to which he replied ""no just taking a shit""."

"To all sluts !! Please regulate your whoremones !!"

"30 seconds left on the microwave ~ Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone ~ Men: do the space shuttle countdown"

"My husband asked what Vine was while reading a BOOK. Hahaha 1910 called, it wants its intellect strengthening form of entertainment back!"

"I hate when girls say, ""you probably say that to every girl."" don't you use the same resume when applying to different jobs?"

"German Girlfriend My german girlfriend likes to rate my sexual performances on a scale of 1-10. Last night we tried anal. She kept yelling 9. That's the best I've ever done."

"Could you buy me something cheap for lunch, please? Sure thing, how about the gluten? It's free"